- last night I practiced with Laurie for the first time since May.
- She kept calling me Keira. She is horrible with names. There is a woman in my group named Veronica; Laurie calls her Vanessa all the time. I know Laurie knows who I am. And I rather like the name Keira. If I were going to change my name, Keira would be it.
- I did Ardha Chandrasana without a block. It was fun. This mostly happened by accident, because I was 15 minutes late to class and didn’t have time to grab any props. But now that I know I can do it, I will.
- I did pigeon. My knee felt fine last night, but is slightly tight this morning. I am afraid I will never be able to do pigeon without pain. And lotus. Will Padmasana never be a part of my practice? Just because I hurt my knee running?
- I know I shouldn’t, but I feel like– why the hell am I taking this training when I can’t even do the full expression of Vasisthasana? (btw, that’s what Octavia’s doing above.) Forget the full expression…sometimes I struggle just to stack my feet and I have to do the simplest of all variations, with one knee on the floor. It makes me sad.
- Every once in a while, to make myself feel better, I remind myself that I’ve only been practicing for two years. But then I see people who have been practicing for six freaking months who can do a headstand in the middle of the room, no problem, and I wonder what the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I do that?
- I stayed for Laurie’s meditation class. She had us come up with affirmations. Then we had to imagine scenes that embodied those affirmations. And then we had to envision one particular scene being wrapped up in a pink balloon and drifting away. Afterwards, we discussed our reactions. I told her that I felt sad sending off my vision into the wild blue yonder. I felt like it would never come back to me. She said our reactions can often point out our patterns of behaviors….so maybe I cling to things? I don’t want to let them go. The room was dark and I was glad because I got a little teary. Her observation was so on-point. Next week she’s going to read our energy– she’s a Reiki master. I am almost afraid.
- I finished all my Chakra Therapy assignments. I need to type them up and hand them in soon. Then I need to get started on the anatomy assignments. I’m pretty sure this weekend we’re learning about the knee. I hope it will help me with my injury.
- I’m trying not to be hard on myself. I’m trying. I just want to be able to do beautiful things with my body.